The always in shape Floyd Mayweather does not look a guy who enjoys fattening pies on a regular basis. We know he worships himself so I could see how he might consider his body a sacred shrine. But, if he wants to fight Manny Pacquiao and garner some $40 million in the process, Mayweather may be forced to sit down and serve up a slice of humble pie. People keep mentioning how the totally without evidence illegal drug use allegations about Pacman come under the category of besmirching Manny's honor and causing him to lose face. Now I know about as much about Filipino customs and cultural traits as I do about studying trigonometry in Mandarin, I admit that upfront. But I stumbled upon the Internet musings (Live in the Phillipines.com) of an American expatriate living in Pacman's homeland. She goes by the pen name of “American Lola” and I think she does a brilliant job of explaining to we foggy Westerners why getting an apology from his accusers is more important to Pacquiao than winning a lawsuit or even fighting Mayweather with the attendant financial jackpot attached thereto. Here's how “American Lola” pulled my coat as to this Pinoy view on all the mudslinging that Megamanny has been subjected to and why a sincere, I'm sorry might go a long way to healing the rift and perhaps getting this super bout made: “As Westerners, we do not know what this means. We use the words ‘embarrassed,’ ‘shy’ and even ‘ashamed,’ but none of these come close to the meaning behind the words in Filipino languages that are translated to the English words mentioned above.
"The Philippines, as well as other Asian countries, have a predominately ‘Shame/Honor’ culture. This means that interactions at all levels are about people being treated with respect, and people being honored appropriately and preserving each others ‘face.’ It is also about avoiding dishonor, avoiding situations where one would look foolish, or have their ignorance exposed, or be made to look small, or be exposed as having no power, or being made the brunt of ridicule, etc.
"To have any of these things happen is to lose face. Losing face has driven people to leave a job, to move to another city, to drop out of school, to get into a big fight, to stab someone, to exact subtle revenge and to commit suicide. Honor and shame are serious business. Losing face is like a punch to the solar plexus, and can cause an entire family or clan to rise up in anger on behalf of the injured party. "When we Westerners get into an argument with a fellow Westerner, the issues are usually about who did what, who is right and who is wrong, guilt or innocence, winning or losing. Shouting or name calling is considered rude and poor form, but not equivalent to a stabbing.
"A Westerner who doesn’t like the way he is being treated by someone says, “He’s got a problem!” or “Who needs this?” or “I’m outta here!” We may get our feelings hurt, but for the most part, we can decide not to make it personal in one way or another by thinking, “He was having a bad day!” or “We won’t talk about that topic again.” or “He’s got an anger problem” etc. We like to win an argument, we like to be treated with respect, but these things to not determine ‘who we are’ in society.
"The things that really push our button are when people infringe on what we consider ‘OUR RIGHTS,’ or when we are falsely accused of committing some wrong. East meets west when the thing we have done wrong is a serious offense here, and not an offense at all in our home country, like causing someone to lose face. We don’t get it.
"We can’t believe that such a small thing as calling someone an idiot, or tapping a flight attendant on the head with a magazine, rebuking the lady who cuts in line, or telling the bank manager what you think of the system would even matter! We feel falsely accused and proceed to demand our rights…. And make things much worse. This whole issue of losing face and our difficulty as Westerners in understanding it is complicated by the Filipino social rule that demands ‘smooth interpersonal relationships’ (SIR). The Westerner can be sailing along, offending people right and left, and not have a clue
" Why? Because people keep smiling and acting like everything is just fine. All the Filipinos in the situation will know what is going on, because to them, the signs are obvious: smiles that are ‘plastic’ and never reach the eyes, tight body movements, short sentences, avoiding eye contact, avoiding social contact, eye-rolling behind the back, and often, increased requests or demands (to make you pay for what you did).
"Think about it. What if this is going on with several members of a family, and the wife is trying to help her husband understand by saying things like, “ I think you hurt my father’s feelings.” Or “Maybe my brother didn’t like what you said to him.” But the clueless foreign husband blows it off saying, “What? I didn’t say anything to him! We were just talking, for pity sake! Why is he so sensitive? He needs to get a grip!” Things will go from bad to worse. "A learner’s attitude is in order here and a little humility. If you find yourself in this sort of situation, believe the person telling you there is a problem, and be grateful. Don’t defend yourself. Accept the fact that you are pretty clueless. Ask questions until you have an idea of who is offended and why.
"Realize that you will probably never understand how that person feels, or ever feel that way yourself, but if you value the relationship, you need to take responsibility for that person’s feelings and apologize for what you said or did (even if it doesn’t seem wrong)
"Lose a little face yourself. Pride and bluster will not win the day.”
Pride and bluster, that's rich.
That seems to be Mayweather's motto.
Maybe I'm not the only one who needs to get his coat pulled on how to honorably deal with the Filipino mindset.
Over to you, Floyd.
Filipino Culture, Customs 101, maybe we can take this class together, kemo sabe.
Author: Michael Marley
Source: examiner.com
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